I have an on and off relationship with my mom. Yeah, just like many other mother-daughter relation, during my teenage and young adult time I argued with her a lot. And mom objected plenty: about my mini skirt choices, my male friends or the breached curfew. Differ than my dad whose being protective by sending people or making sure I had someone who’s eyeing me, mom would use words. Flying out her teeth like speeding bullet: fast, sharp and hurtful.
Now, I have a good relationship with my mom. We went on a trip together exploring Vietnam and Cambodia, Singapore also Australia. Mom also takes care of my son whenever I needed to go for business trip but still with our current state, I still thought I had a terrible teenage year.
Anw as you can read from my blog posts, lately I journal a lot about my childhood involving her. And I am reminded that actually I had lots of good times with my mom. It’s funny how my mind tricks me to stick on the bad time teenager memories than the sweet childhood one whilst tbh I had even way better memories with her.
I appreciate more of this journaling habits:
- It opens up layer by layer of my life which I have forgotten.
- It brings different kind of perspectives which I didn’t know before.
- It entangles my rumpled mind.
- I have a calm clear mind which I enjoy so much.
- The happiness comes from inner side not outside.
I guess journaling brings back the dusted memories hidden in the corner of my brain. I always thought I had a miserable teen but now I can see it from different angle.
Anw, still sometimes I snapped for reliving my teen memories. Hubby and my bff keep on reminding me to hold on to good memories. Then I snapped even more ‘coz it’s difficult. But now after I consistently journaling, no one needs to remind me to hold on to good memories, my mind is in auto pilot remembering it. And I am at peace. Mom, I love you.
I think I am gonna stick doing this; the journaling thing 😊 Just like right now. Yeay.
“Mama”
She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn’t be
Every other day I crossed the line I didn’t mean to be so bad
I never thought you would become the friend I never had
Back then I didn’t know why
Why you were misunderstood mama
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love
Mama I love you
Mama I care
Mama I love you
Mama my friend
You’re my friend
I didn’t want to hear it then but I’m not ashamed to say it now
Every little thing you said and did was right for me
I had a lot of time to think about about the way I used to be
Never had a sense of my responsibility
Back then I didn’t know why
Why you were misunderstood
So now I see through your eyes
All that you did was love
My mind tricks me to stick on the bad time teenager memories than the sweet childhood. This is a very interesting ya Ka, ini usaha banget kudu ngebaliknya. Pakai usaha. Semangat!!
Betul but journaling helps, Saaa. It helps a lot hehehe